Hayley Holt

The presenter shared her story of love and loss on Sunday, ahead of her book launch.

“I didn’t want to face my feelings on Frankie’s birthday,” she said. “I just didn’t want to face it and I knew the answer. You can follow the podcast at “I was 39 and I was like man, I gotta do this. I was trying to date so I could meet the man. Two days later they lost Frankie at 29 weeks when a scan found he no longer had a heartbeat. - Visit the The timing was terrible. Days later Holt gave birth in a “strangely beautiful” moment on Anzac Day, she said of the moment, “I just loved him and I just sat there holding him for so long.” I knew how I was going to do it, and that was blacking out.” The ballroom champion and Olympic snowboarder referred to her career on the dance floor as “front” and the dancing scene as being an opener to her drinking problems, and her persona that came with it, “Hard out Holt”. But years after the breakup, Holt wasn’t sure if she would ever get her happily ever after, that was until one night “a miracle” happened after a date with friend Josh Tito.

Holt has talked about her alcoholism and ADHD diagnosis, but her toughest story is the loss of Frankie in late pregnancy.

"I was devastated," Hayley said. Her friend Josh offered to help her out and while not a couple, the pair agreed to co-parent their little boy. While they were digesting that news, just two days later, Frankie died unexpectedly in the womb.

Holt shared her harrowing journey with the Herald ahead of the release of her new book.

It’s just an experience that a lot of people share, and I think that’s really, really powerful and helpful.” “It’s sharing the experience and knowing that you’re not alone, and that just makes you feel okay with yourself. “Because I knew what alcohol could do, I knew that it was just going to turn it off - turn the brain off - and that’s really helpful sometimes. I just wanted to lie in bed and cry, pretty much.” “And knowing that in those two days [between scans] I kind of was umming and ahhing about it and questioning it, made me feel like he felt that. “At the time, I felt guilty that he’d felt my heart sort of pull away from him and not want him as much. And so then he chose to give us that gift.” After several more scans and appointments, the parents were told that should he survive, he would live a “very difficult life”. However, the relapse enabled Holt to see that her relationship with alcohol had to be over for good: “‘This is you drinking. “But, really, I was just gearing myself up to have a real fall off the wagon at Frankie’s birthday.” The rawness of the insurmountable second loss was the catalyst for her alcohol addiction rearing its head again, and Holt says she drank in order to rid herself of the pain. But unlike the loss of her first baby, this grief was private, shared only with those closest to the couple.

Holt has talked about her alcoholism and ADHD diagnosis, but her toughest story is the loss of Frankie in late pregnancy.

"I was devastated," Hayley said. Her friend Josh offered to help her out and while not a couple, the pair agreed to co-parent their little boy. While they were digesting that news, just two days later, Frankie died unexpectedly in the womb.